Don't forget the cornflowers
by frozen-delight
Summary: After John and Mary have left for their honeymoon in Brighton, Sherlock is feeling bored and lonely. Fortunately, Anthea's there to keep him entertained. Set after The Sign of Three. Sherlock & Anthea texting fic.


This is a gift fic for the lovely **solroson** who first made me fall in love with Anthea and who's been incredibly patient with my bad Swedish. In case you haven't read her Short Message Service verse yet, go check it out, it's awesome.

As ever, a big thank you to my wonderful beta **canonisrelative** who asked all the right questions, pointed out all the write things and made this a lot better.

Thanks for reading - please enjoy!

* * *

**Don't forget the cornflowers**

Tell Mycroft to stop ignoring me. SH

_He's busy._

_I'm busy too, for the record, but I'm much nicer._

That's not exactly difficult. SH

_Hush._

Tell Mycroft that his cruel neglect gives me every right to skip the next six Christmas dinners. SH

_He'll call you back in half an hour._

What could possibly be so important? SH

_His job?_

That's a lame excuse. Doesn't he already have all the world at his lazy feet? SH

_He's learning Swedish._

That's stupid. All Scandinavians speak English. SH

Delete my last message – my brain's rotting away and I wasn't thinking properly. SH

_I never thought I'd hear you say that._

When is it going to be made official? SH

_I have no idea what you're talking about._

The wedding. Mycroft's planning to enslave HRH the Prince of Cambridge before his first birthday. To the Duchess of Östergötland. SH

Don't deny it. SH

_I won't then._

Why is Mycroft doing it? SH

_I thought you just explained that yourself._

Not the learning Swedish part. That's obvious. He wants to make sure that the Swedish can't possibly get out of the contract again. No, the question is – why arrange that wedding in the first place? SH

_You know nothing about dynastic politics, do you?_

I didn't know that Sweden was our most important ally. SH

_They're not. We just want to ensure that a similar disaster to the wedding of HRH the Duke of Cambridge doesn't happen a second time._

Why? Because the bride he chose was into lesbian S/M? Don't be prudish. SH

_Not prudish at all, just prudent. The choice of a commoner raised the question – why her? why not me? It's outrageously unjust._

_I'm paraphrasing the female public opinion, of course._

As long as you're not paraphrasing Mycroft's opinion, I don't mind. SH

_So you see – we're restoring balance to the universe._

You stole my line. SH

_I like it._

Not enough that you're refusing to respect the free will of a minor, now you're actually trampling on copyright law? I'll have to file an official complaint. SH

_You've got way too much free time. Go play at the Yard or something._

Lestrade's on a holiday. I don't like his replacement. SH

Why is everyone on a holiday? SH

_He's an idiot._

Who? SH

_Don't play stupid, it doesn't suit you._

_Do you want me to book you a train to Brighton?_

I don't want to interrupt their Sex Holiday. Just think what I might interrupt when I get there. SH

_Uggh, gross._

Yes. SH

Why do people do it? SH

_What? Go on a holiday? Get married? Have sex? Procreate?_

All of it. SH

_I have no idea._

That makes two of us. SH

_Isn't that charming – the two of us against the rest of the world?_

You just stole another line of mine. SH

_And made you laugh._

Tremble is more like it. Do you actually listen to every word I say? SH

_Of course. What comes out of your mouth is far too irresistible in its full, blazing insolence to ever miss out on._

I thought you had a job that demanded most of your attention. SH

_Sometimes you're my job. And when you're not, I multitask. I'm a woman, after all._

_I could multitask tonight, if you want me to._

Do you realise how dirty that sounds? I'm appalled. SH

_Don't be. My proposition is far dirtier than anything your innocent little brain can imagine. Are you already wet and gasping with curiosity?_

This is the worst come-on I've ever heard. SH

_You could accompany me to a really boring business dinner. _

Allow me to correct myself – this come-on is even worse. SH

_Hush._

_If you behave throughout the evening and keep me entertained, I'll get you access to a case tomorrow. And I'll make sure that Lestrade's replacement is replaced by someone you can work with._

How do I know it's going to be worth it? SH

_An evening spent in my company is always worth it._

You said it would be boring. SH

_Not for you._

_Here's a clue to tell you where the dinner is going to take place and who the special guest is: Bring me some cornflowers. They're my favourites._

Centaurea cyanus. Other common names: cyani flower, hurtsickle, bluebottle, boutonniere flower or bachelor's button. Nectar: 34% sugar content. Produces a full-bodied, highly aromatic honey with a tangy, slightly bitter aftertaste. Mostly organic. Official flower of the Swedish province Östergötland, symbol of the Swedish Liberal People's Party. SH

That's easy. SH

_Show-off._

I'm glad I'm not a woman. One mention of babies, weddings and honeymoons and your hormones go so crazy you're unable to come up with a decent puzzle. SH

_Shut up. Here's the good part of the puzzle: During the evening I'll give you a clue to something you've always wanted to know about me._

I'm coming. SH

_You're such a quick draw._

_Don't look so shocked, dear._

_Sorry, that was uncalled for, I know. But in my defence – it was very funny._

_I wasn't joking about the cornflowers, though. _

Why didn't you say anything back then? SH

_Now I really have no idea what you're talking about._

You just said: But in my defence – it was very funny. SH

_Yes._

_So?_

You were there, listening to every word of my reunion with John. Why didn't you warn me back then that he wouldn't find it funny at all? SH

_Would you have listened?_

Maybe. SH

_Sherlock, you do know that John's marriage has nothing to do with that, right?_

Naturally. SH

_No matter how you'd broken the fact that you weren't dead to him, he still would have gotten married._

Naturally. SH

_He didn't do it to punish you._

Naturally. SH

_He'll come back from his tiresome sex holiday and he'll be thirsting for your company, just you wait._

Why are you telling me all this? SH

_Sometimes we need to hear the things we basically know from someone else to truly believe in them._

_Do you want your brother to add his assurances?_

God no! SH

_That was his reaction too. You two are so silly._

I'm sure you can rival both of us for silliness. SH

_Am I THAT good?_

See what I mean? SH

_Nitwit. Your brother's standing in front of me, fluent in Swedish, suave manners and all. Do you want me to tell him to call you?_

No. SH

Just tell him that if HRH the Prince of Cambridge comes to seek out my services when he's older and wants to escape the yoke of marriage that Mycroft has placed on his tender neck, I won't refuse the case. SH

_Stupid sod. See you tonight._

_And if you need any distraction in the meantime, check out John's blog. He seems to have spent most of the first hours of his sex holiday online, reminiscing about all the wonderful cases you worked together in the last couple of weeks._

_He misses you._

_He's still online, in case you want to talk to him._

_Are you ignoring me now?_

No. SH

Your silliness really knows no bounds. SH

But thanks. SH

Really. SH

_Shut up before I start to worry that someone's stolen your phone._

Until tonight then. SH

_Don't forget the cornflowers._


End file.
